


“What The Fuck Is This?”

by cdelbridge



Category: johnlock - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:02:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22697578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cdelbridge/pseuds/cdelbridge
Summary: The boys are being attacked by possessions.  For the 221B prompt spring cleaning.
Relationships: Johnlock
Comments: 21
Kudos: 25
Collections: 221B Spring Has Sprung





	1. Chapter 1

“Sherlock!” John Watson was standing in the sitting room surrounded by stuff. “What the fuck is all this junk?”

His husband, Sherlock Holmes, wandered into the room clad in only a dressing gown and carrying a big cup of tea, moved aside a pile of magazines, newspapers and other debris, and sat down on the sofa. “What are you ranting about John?”

“What am I ranting about? What am I ranting about?” John was practically squealing. “Look about you! You had to move a pile of stuff that should have been thrown out weeks ago to sit down!” He was practically flailing. 

His mood wasn’t improved by having to move a pile of stuff from the chair to sit down and finding lube and Sherlock’s favorite butt plug. Sherlock let out a happy sound as he retrieved the item and said, “yes! I’ve been looking for this!”

“That’s it!”, John shouted. “We are cleaning the flat! And purging the garbage.” And he looked at his spouse who was lubing up the toy, “you’re going to help!”

”Help with what John?” Sherlock leaned over and inserted the toy. “What are you talking about?”

”Spring cleaning Sherlock! Get dressed and take the toy out of your arse! You’re helping!”

“Help with what John? I don’t understand. Don’t you want to see my butt?”


	2. Researchers say...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock doesn’t want to clean

“You know John, famous researchers say that a clean dwelling is the sign of a diseased mind.” Our consulting detective was standing in the middle of the sitting room surrounded by cleaning supplies. “And the flat is much cleaner than the place I lived before this.”

“Nice try.” John wasn’t taking any crap from his husband. “I’ve heard about your previous flat and while I can believe this place is cleaner, we’re still cleaning. And what researcher? Is this that weird bee scientist friend of yours? The one who looks oddly like a bee? Cause if he wasn’t so renowned in his field he’d be in a psych ward.” John steered his husband to the sofa. “You sit and start going through that pile of magazines.”

”There’s nothing wrong with Constantine.” Sherlock picked up the magazine on top of the pile, Bee Monthly. “He’s just different.”

”Different?” John felt his eyebrows climb into his hairline. “The last time I saw him, he asked if I wanted to see his stinger and then got punched when he asked a woman if she’d been pollinated lately.”

”He was just trying to be helpful,” Sherlock maintained. “He tends to forget not everyone is a bee.” He dusted off his hands and stood. “All done.”

”What do you mean all done? You didn’t throw anything away!” John crossed his arms and glared at his spouse.

”Of course I didn’t throw anything away! I want to keep all of them!” Sherlock said indignantly, glaring back at his spouse.

John threw up his hands, “ok, ok. Let’s go get storage boxes to put them in. We can label them and store them upstairs.”

”Fuck me! I suppose that means getting dressed and going out.” Sherlock moodily stomped down the hall towards the bedroom. “You’re lucky I love your arse.”

”You’re lucky I love yours.” John muttered to himself as he looked around the room. There were dirty pants on the windowsill. “So lucky.”


	3. Are You Cleaning The Sex Toys?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock is cleaning!

John Watson rolled over, smiled sleepily, and moved to snuggle his husband from behind only to discover his spouse wasn’t in bed. Slightly more awake, he rolled back over to see the bathroom light was on and he could hear splashing sounds. Late night bath? Why would Sherlock need a late night bath? Now more awake and slightly pissed off at what he could possibly find in the bathroom, the doctor rolled out of bed and strode angrily to the bathroom.

Sherlock looked up as he stomped in. “Hello John. Didn’t mean to wake you.” The detective had a sink full of soapy water and appeared to be cleaning something. 

Leaning against the door jam, John watched his gorgeous, naked spouse reach into the soapy water and pull out a rubber item which he thoroughly cleaned then placed on a towel to dry. The towel contained other such items. John was floored. “You’re cleaning sex toys? At three in the morning?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Sherlock replied, “and I bought these cleaners for our toys so thought I’d be useful.” He pulled out another rubber item and added it to the drying towel. “Want to help?”

“Is this your contribution to spring cleaning?” John moved towards the pile of toys still to be cleaned.

“Yes. Some of these don’t go in water but there’s a spray cleaner for them. Just make sure you saturate the item and let it air dry.” Sherlock added another item to the clean pile. “I always clean them but we have a lot and some might have been missed.”

”I’ve never thought about cleaning our toys.” John admitted sheepishly.

”Seriously?” Sherlock just stared. “And you call yourself a doctor.” He emptied the sink, rinsed it then refilled it for another round. “I might not clean like you do but I do clean. Consider where our toys have been and you never thought of cleaning them?”

”OK, I get the point!” John moved behind his spouse and hugged him tightly. “Want to come back to bed and get a few toys dirty?”

”Do I get to select the toy?”, Sherlock asked while grabbing the largest dildo and wagging it at John.

”Oh dear god, yes!” The doctor grabbed his husband and tugged him back to the bedroom.


End file.
